Phrases in scripture like “…Your loving-kindness is better than life” strike hard—striking that ache deep within the heart that is screaming for satisfaction. It’s words like these that make me want to scream from the rooftops EITHER THIS IS TRUE OR IT’S NOT!
There is no middle ground—no room for grey here. Because God’s entirely-satisfying-love cannot be partial. It. Is. Impossible. Either these words are completely true—and His love is better than life—or they are completely false—and it is simply good poetry.
How do we know? Really know?
We can know intellectually because these words are God-breathed. We can meditate on the greatness of His love and receive revelation of His Holy Heart from this inspired text. By reading and through meditation we really can know His love. But there has to be more than intellectual knowing. I believe His love has to be experienced to be fully known.
So how do we know? Really know?
This is the question I am wrestling with because I feel the great distance between what I believe is true and what I actually know.
And yet, the Word says it is not too mysterious or far off. God has made Himself accessible to anyone who desires Him. The way to know love is to simply position our weak hearts before Love Himself. Crying out to Him with our great need, “Lord, I want to know Love—to experientially know this all-satisfying-better-than-life Love.”
The Psalmist prays in chapter 42, “Tears have been my food day and night saying, “Where is your God?” These words resound within me. I share the same cry as this ancient hymnist. Yes, these words haunt me. I am no longer satisfied with the casual reading of the text or the courtesy nod of the head in agreement.
I must know God—I must know Love.
I often find myself with a tear stained face saying, “O God, if not me, then who? If I cannot attain this knowing, who is it reserved for? Did You not say, You would give to those who ask? Did You not say the one who seeks finds YOU?”
I live seeking. And I know that I do not seek in vain because I believe these words are true.
I believe and I wait.
And while I wait I will not allow my emotions to accuse God. I will not let barrenness steal joy. I refuse to stare at these circumstances and blame Him. I refuse to agree with the voice of yet another disappointment that whispers, “draw back; protect yourself”.
Instead, I reach.
With violent force I position myself again today and tomorrow and again the next day to reach. Here in the night, messy with all these tears, I am still reaching because I believe truth, “His loving-kindness is better than life!”